Wednesday, April 28, 2004

If I ran for office

It’s weird having a presidential candidate who’s last name is your first name. I read headlines like “Defending Kerry,” “Kerry Blasts Bush,” “Mrs. Kerry’s Secrecy,” and “Kerry's Secret Sauce,” and can’t help but laugh because I think about what these articles would really say if there about me and not John Kerry.

Defending Kerry” I imagine would be something along the lines of a retort to those people who read this site and don’t find it as brilliant and entertaining as I do.

Kerry Blasts Bush” has to be about personal grooming.

Mrs. Kerry’s Secrecy” is probably about the double life I live between my days spent in cubicle-land and my nights spent in rock clubs.

And finally, “Kerry’s Secret Sauce” is doubtfully about my cooking. Since I don’t cook. Ever. Not that I can’t. But why cook when peanut butter and jelly sandwiches taste so good? I’m guessing this one would be about my drink of choice. It’s a martini. Feel free to buy me one if you see me at Coachella.

And to give those of you who don’t personally know me, my last name is also the same one as a former Presidential candidate. And no, it’s not Dukakis.

I’ve said too much.