Wednesday, May 26, 2004

That’s what friends are for

I was reading an article in the latest Vice called their Guide to Friendship, and found their prerequisites really interesting. So I’m stealing them and adding my own commentary, because afterall, isn’t that what a blog is? Stolen material with some hack who thinks their opinions are interesting enough to write snarky comments underneath?

FRIENDS MAKE YOU THINGS
Mix CDs, jewelry, t-shirts, baby clothing, dinner. All these things are good, and only made for people worth your time and efforts.

FRIENDS ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE
SO TRUE! So we’ve all screened calls, as crappy as that may be, think about the people you actually answer the phone for and the ones you don’t. You will instantly know if you really consider this person a friend, or vice versa, if this person considers you one. And that one friend that takes 3 days to return a call? They suck.

FRIENDS ANNOY EVERYONE ELSE WITH THEIR STUPID PRIVATE JOKES
You know how annoying it is to hear others reference their private jokes in front of you, but you still can’t help from doing it yourself at times. That said, Northwest does fly in the middle of the night.

FRIENDS KEEP SECRETS
Enemies don’t. ‘Nough said.

FRIENDS COPY EACH OTHER
I’m not sure if this one really rings true. My friends and I don’t really dress alike, or necessarily enjoy the same extracurricular activities. And when I feel like people are copying me, I kind of get annoyed. But we do say the same things or catch phrases, but I chalk that up to private jokes.

FRIENDS CALL POISON CONTROL WHEN YOU OVERDOSE ON RED BULL
Yeah, Red Bull.

FRIENDS CUDDLE
Um, I guess. But I tend to only cuddle with the gay men. There’s nothing better than being able to hug someone and give ‘em a kiss and know that it will never cause any weirdness.

FRIENDS BEAT PEOPLE UP FOR YOU
And hate the same people as you for no other reason than that you hate them as well.

FRIENDS ARE AT LEAST CORDIAL TO YOUR BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND EVEN IF THEY THINK HE/SHE IS BORING, ANNOYING ON COKE, NOT ABLE TO PLAY "CELEBRITY," OR A FUCKING JUNKIE LIAR
But when you break up, tell you how they hated them all along. This rule confuses me, because if someone is really your friend, shouldn’t they tell you they hate your sig nif? I know I wouldn’t want to hear that, but in hindsight of a relationship, you wonder, why didn’t my friends tell me they were an ass so I didn’t waste all that time?

FRIENDS TELL YOU WHEN YOU'RE BEING A DICK
This is a hard one to get away with without seriously causing strife. If I’m being a dick, don’t tell me. I’m fragile. I promise to stop eventually. Eventually the Red Bull wears off, you know?

FRIENDS GIVE YOU A SECOND CHANCE, MAYBE EVEN A THIRD
Nobody’s perfect, and if you value someone enough, you let them slide from time to time.