Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Dear Loyal Readers and People Who Found Me through Google by Searching for Female Fauxhawk,

A mere week ago I was a lowly unknown blogger with dreams of being discovered for my cunning wit and keen observations on pop culture. I mean really, there just weren't enough people talking about indie rock and the exploits of Britney Spears. Thanks to an undemanding day job, I was able to fill that void with daily posts for almost a year.

But now that too has left me feeling empty, so I’ve decided to do what any young woman living in Los Angeles would do when that happens...throw myself into a new and trendy religion! I’ve decided to go search out the next new thing, which means I will be scanning the globe looking for people in robes and running shoes offering me free brunches and cute jewelry that symbolize my loyalty to their cult. That or zombies. I like zombies.

I know Scientology is not for me because in order to be one of them you have to want to be an actor, and after living here for a period of time you grow scared of people with these aspirations. All they talk about are head shots, agents, and nailing auditions that turn out to be for soft-core porn movies. Plus they can never meet you out for a drink because their waitress/bartender job always gets in the way.

Then I thought maybe I would get into the Kabbalah, but I think that red string would clash with the majority of my wardrobe. I’m still doing some research on other popular ones, so if any of you have any information on what a Mennonite is (and if the all black wardrobe is by choice or mandate from God), or can clear up whether or not the Moonies provide group health coverage, please email me at sosaysi... I’ll still be using that e-mail. No Seventh-Day Adventists need respond (sinners).

Unfortunately with my travel plans and impending devotion to some unpronounceable fake god, I say with great sadness, this is the last update for So Says I.

Viva Zapata,