Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Everybody’s doing it

So everyone is having babies lately, or so it seems. Here are two excellent sites to buy gifts for them without having to get one of those gross diaper genies.

This is my friend Brooke’s site. Brooke is a rock and roll mom, literally. She was in a slew of bands, including The Subdebs, and now Brooke and her husband Matt are the proud parents of Sebastian. She is also handy with a thread and needle and makes these fantastic baby slings. I love the logo: “Rock on with your baby on.” Brooke rules.

There is also this site, which can fill all your needs for babies who are AC/DC, Iggy Pop, or even Peaches (?!) fans.

Monday, June 28, 2004

On Tap

This weekend was emotional.

First things first, Jess left LA. Now I have to go to the bathroom alone.

Second, I saw two movies: Fahrenheit 9/11 and The Notebook. Fahrenheit was as good as everyone says it was. No one can deny that Michael Moore is one of the best documentary filmmakers of our time, but please, all you tree hugging hippies (which I consider myself one of), watch this film with a critical eye. Moore is showing an extremely one-sided version of the truth, and it is really important to get your information from more than one source. That said, run out and see it tonight.

And The Notebook was so good, I’m still crying as I write this. Ryan Gosling: call me.

Also attended the David Sedaris reading where he let smokers to the front of the line to get their books signed, well, because he could. He instructed those smokers that when a non-smoker approached them to borrow their pack of cigarettes to move to the front of the line to think about what that non-smoker would say to you if you tried to light up in their house. The answer would be no. Sedaris = funny.

Finally, I saw The Long Winters and The Decemberists, which was as fantastic. If you don’t already have any CDs from the Long Winters (shame on you) please click here and buy one. If you’re not familiar at all with either bands, well, frontman of the Long Winters John Rodderick brilliantly described the bill while on stage as Grad-Core. He later revealed to few friends and myself that he stole that line from Joe Pernice. Got to love a man who’s as honest as he is funny.

Monday, 6/28
Deadsy @ The Roxy
Cher and Greg Allman’s son rock out in a gothy yet preppy way.

M Doughty @ Troubadour
Lead singer of Soul Coughing goes it alone.

Tuesday, 6/29
The Ponys/Your Enemies Friends @ The Troubabour

Wednesday, 6/30
Simple Life 2 on Fox
For those of you who hate this show and think it’s a piece of garbage, you are taking life too seriously. Get over yourself. It’s funny.

Thursday, 7/1
Concrete Blonde instore @ Amoeba

Warped Tour @ Cal State Fullerton
You know a tour is successful when it’s been around long enough for you to out grow it.

Jonathan Rice @ Troubadour

Simon and Garfunkel @ Hollywood Bowl
Yeah, I like Simon and Garfunkel. What of it?

I am X @ Spaceland
Chris Corner of the Sneaker Pimps’ band.

Friday, 7/2
Skinny Puppy @ Henry Fonda
Industrial gods return for two nights.

Warped Tour @ Cal State Fullerton

Saturday, 7/3
Skinny Puppy @ Henry Fonda

Detroit Cobras @ Troubadour

Sunday, 7/4
Happy Fourth! Don’t blow your hands off or anything.

Friday, June 25, 2004

Clinton update

So the line outside the century city mall for Bill Clinton's book signing is at 4500 people. INSANE. They are expecting another 3000 to show up, even though only 1000 are going to get their copies signed. People came prepared too, equipped with lawn chairs and umbrellas. I wanted to talk to them about why they are in line, what they thought of the book, etc., but Chris wasn’t having it. So instead we just stared and pointed at them. Lunch hour well spent.

Clinton is also stopping by Eso Won Books at 3655 S. La Brea tomorrow (thanks for the tip), and was somewhere else (not sure where) this morning. The man’s on fire. Only thing that can stop him now is a case of carpel tunnel.

At the movies©

Opening this weekend
The Notebook
The date movie of the weekend. I want to go and have a “good cry.” (Why do people say that? What’s good about crying?)

Fahrenheit 9/11
Never heard of it. I wonder what it’s about… (insert sarcasm)

White Chicks
From the clips I’ve seen they looked freakishly scary. I hear if you can get past that, it’s actually funny.

Two Brothers
Live animal movie, kind of like Milo and Otis.

Top of the Box
Dodgeball
Got an e-mail this morning confirming that it’s insanely funny. Was also told by another person that it only took 30 minutes to get to the “hit in the nuts” joke. This is important to know.

The Terminal
Terminal? I thought it was D.O.A. (Lame, I know. Sorry. I’m tired this morning.)

Harry Potter
Is it weird how this isn’t a big deal?

Shrek 2

Garfield! The Movie
Sleeper hit of the summer?

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Vote for me, I have cool friends



John Kerry night at the Henry Fonda

When: Tuesday, July 6th

Accoustic performances by:
Tenacious D
Dave Grohl
Liz Phair
And emcee Bob Odenkirk

Tickets are a mere (cough, cough) $150, and for those of you who are super supporters or just have some extra pocket change burning a whole in your pocket, VIP Tickets can be purchased for $500.

It’s not listed just yet on the Concerts for Kerry site, but it will be soon I’m sure. Check out that site though for concerts in your city, or how to organize one in your home town.

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Up-coming activities I failed to mention in the On Tap

This Thursday, the LA Weekly Music Awards will be held at Henry Fonda Theater and sound like a good time. Here are some details:

Time – 8:30-10:30pm
Where – 6126 Hollwood Blvd
Tickets – But them here for $15
Hosted by Kennedy
Performing – Patrick Park, Build an Ark, 50 Foot Wave (Kristin Hersh), The Like, and appearances by the members of Devo
Special GuestsThe Suicide Girls

And going to the book store at lunch has proved once again noteworthy. Bill Clinton will be at the Century City Brentano’s this Friday at 6pm to sign copies of his autobiography “My Life.” Store workers suggest getting there by 10am to guarantee you getting your copy signed. For those of you who are super anal, the store opens at 6am.

Sucker!

David Bowie was recently pelted with a Lollipop while performing in Norway, and the sucker got STUCK in his eye!

It happened 20 minutes into his set. Some concertgoer threw the lolli at Bowie and the stick got stuck in-between his left eyeball and his eyelid. (Note: It’s the same eye that is permanently dilated because of a childhood fight.)

According to Norwegian press, Bowie started shouting into the crowd, “You f***ing wanker! You little f***er!,” and stopped the show.

Poor Bowie… that sucks. Literally.

Monday, June 21, 2004

I feel, I feel…

Went to a screening of the Metallica documentary, Some Kind of Monster, last night thanks to the roomie Mo. It was showing as part of the LA Film Festival at the John Anson theater, which is an out-door venue just off of Mulholland Dr., tucked at the base of the Hills, and probably the most serene place to see a film ever.

The crowd was a mix of fans, film industry types in town for the festival, and celebs who all seemed to share a common curiosity about Metallica. Why did Jason Newsted leave? How crazy did things get for James to go to rehab for 6 months? And is Lars really an asswhole?

With reality television and documentary style programming being such a hit right now, this movie fits right into the mix, feeding out insatiable appetite for the story behind scenes. You see the band go through therapy and begin every sentence with the cliché “I feel,” while cringing and questioning if therapy will save this band or ruin it by taking away its bite.

Chuck Klosterman wrote a great piece about the film for the NY Times (thanks to that certain someone who sent this to me yesterday to preview the screening) which can hold you over until the film opens at the Arclight on July 16th. Go see it.

On Tap

While driving into work this morning, I saw a handmade sign taped to a pole right near the Beverly Center (it’s a mall) that said the following:

Missing: $40,000

Spent on shoes: Malono Blahnik, Jimmy Cho, Prada… etc.

Can you sympathize?


The sign had tear away contact info at the bottom, kind of like the ones you see when someone is selling something or posting about their garage sale. The best part? People had actually torn for their contact info.

Monday, 6/21
The Secret Machines/Helio Sequence @ Troubadour
This show is sold-out. People must know how good the Helio Sequence are live.

Tuesday, 6/22
RES Screening @ Egyptian

Wednesday, 6/23
The Damnwells @ Knitting Factory

Thursday, 6/24
Ambulance LTD (in-store) @ Amoeba

Friday, 6/25
Ambulance LTD/On the Speakers @ Troubadour
Awesome bill. Locals On the Speakers are just the kind of band that bring a smile to your face while nodding your head along to the music, and it seems like Ambulance LTD are poised to be the next something or other.

David Sedaris @ UCLA (Royce Hall)
Sold out, but you can probably still go and get your book signed. Thanks for Rachel for being on the ball and buying tickets months ago.

Helen Stellar @ The Echo

Sluts of Trust (in-store) @ Amoeba
I heard seeing this band is an experience not to be missed.

Glastonbury Festival @ Somewhere in England
Note to self: move to the UK.

Saturday, 6/27
The Long Winters/The Decemberists @ El Rey
This isn’t sold out yet, so do yourself a favor and buy a ticket. I’ve talked about these bands enough so you already know how much I love them.

Kid Lightning @ Hotel Café

Ministry @ Bar Sinister
Yeah, that Ministry. (Autograph signing only)

Sunday, 6/28
Sleep.

Friday, June 18, 2004

Wanted: Indentured Servant

When someone posts a job listing like this, which I’ve trimmed down to a manageable paragraph from its original near-novel length, you think it must pay well, right?

Boutique motion picture distribution consultancy firm with international clients is looking for a right-arm to the president.

Ability to utilize Outlook at expert level –Ability to use Excel spreadsheets at expert/near-expert level – especially for creating letter-perfect documents of companies’ sales availabilities for multiple international territories; Excellent scheduling and travel arrangement abilities are crucial. IFDC attends three movie markets per year and meetings are scheduled for the President as well as our clients. IFDC does not utilize a travel agency – YOU are the travel agent. Excellent telephone manner and ability to stay cool under pressure essential – especially when dealing with irate vendors with whom the company has disputes. Ability to utilize Microsoft Word at near-expert level, primarily for correspondence purposes and mail merges. The President takes care of his own correspondence, but you will be responsible for composing professional and cosmopolitan correspondence with an eye for satisfying a variety of cultures (i.e., Japan, Western Europe, West Indies). Full range of office manager duties. Light accounting/bookkeeping responsibilities and dealing with billing problems. Personal assistant duties are fairly light.


But then you scroll down farther and see this:

Salary: $400.00 per week

For you math wizs, that a mere $20,800 per year, practically unlivable wages for a town like Los Angeles, but all too common in those “boutique” type operations.

So my friend, who is currently looking for a job and has had enough, decides to write a little letter to this company and let them know how insulting a listing like that is to someone who is educated, fits all of the qualifications above, would undoubtedly do an excellent job, but doesn’t live with their parents and actually has some bills to pay since they went to college to get those near perfect skills.

She says it better here:
I just had to comment on your listing. It's not only completely ignorant and insulting to think that you can find someone with all of those qualifications for $10/hour, but is bad for the general state of the entertainment industry. You honestly think that someone who acts as the right arm to the president of your company, creates perfect spreadsheets, deals with international clients, books all travel, helps with bookkeeping AND does most office manager duties is only worth that piddly salary? I'm sure all of us in the industry either know many people who were laid off or have been laid off ourselves, and I must say the spirit in which your company seems to operate only contributes to the degradation of the fine people in this business. Why not pay your employees what they are worth and make your contribution to rebuilding this tattered industry into the lucrative and creatively vibrant business it once was? As long as the entertainment companies keep promoting the idea that "everyone wants to work in this biz so let's just pay as little as we can" the no one, not even you, will ever be able to feel secure in their jobs or truly get ahead financially.
Good luck finding that perfect assistant.


But the story goes on… wouldn’t you know it, she got a response!

You want to know something about Hollywood? The REAL Hollywood? Most of the truly talented and capable people are grossly underpaid and it's the "sharks" who make the money.
Funny thing is, you sound like me. Which is why I'm leaving the company.


The moral of this story, kids, is they never tell you that the Hollywood glamour job leads to a luxurious life of ramen noodles.

At the Movies ©

First off you should read the article in today’s Wall Street Journal about hybrid automobiles (subscription required). Since gas prices look like they may never drop, you might want to make your next car an environmentally friendly one. And if that doesn’t sell you, then well, I drove to Vegas and back on one tank of gas in mine.

Second, the band The Fire-Ups have the best promotional band pictures ever... Oh, and they rock.

Also, yesterday marked the start of the LA Film Festival. Those of you who live here can actually go to these screenings. Most of the films tickets are only $10, and can be bought here.

Opening this week
The Terminal
Tim Hanks lives in an airport terminal. This film is already getting bad word of mouth. Fresh off The Ladykillers, that doesn’t bode well for Hanks.

Around the World in 80 Days
Another version kids can turn to in school so they won’t have to actually read the book.

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
Hey Stiller: I’m still waiting for my money back from Along Come Polly. If this is good, I’m willing to call it even.

I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead (limited release)
A former drug dealer goes back to old habits in the name of his murdered brother.

Top of the Box
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
See haven’t seen… will go this weekend…

The Chronicles of Riddick
I just can’t see how a movie with Vin Diesel in it can be good, but I’ve been told otherwise. Regardless, I refuse to find out for myself.

Shrek 2
Shrek kind of looks like a zombie, doesn’t he?

Garfield: The Movie!
It must have been all that cafeteria marketing.

The Stepford Wives
Another promising film, which has been quickly dismissed by those who actually saw it. Yikes.

Thursday, June 17, 2004

Stolen Quote

From Greg the Boyfriend:
“I truly think that every question has two right answers and that they contradict each other. I've said this before, but its how the square root of 4 can be either 2 or negative 2.”

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

I thought today was going to be boring.

While typing away in cubical-land this morning, it sounded like a parade was going on outside my building. It turned out to be the Olympic torch. I didn’t even know that was happening right now, let alone in my neighborhood. You think you would know about those kinds of things before hand…

Then while browsing in the bookstore during lunch, Candace Bushnell was there doing a book signing. The woman who is responsible for making girls everywhere drink cosmos was just sitting there, looking ever-so-bored in the middle of Brentano’s. All I could think of was to check out her shoes, not that I know a Manolo Blahnik from a Steve Madden, but it seemed like the thing to do. (ps: they looked nice enough.)

And then I come back to my desk and am interviewed for a Wall Street Journal piece to preview summer music releases, which was completely unexpected and definitely not part of my normal work day.

Finally, I realize tonight is the premiere of The Simple Life Part 2 on Fox. (SIDE NOTE: When trying to cancel seeing Napoleon Dynamite tonight with my brother because of this exciting news, and he responds to my e-mail with “I take no offense to being cancelled so you can watch a half-wit stuck-up no-talent stick and strung-out no-talent not-even-biologically­-related-to her once-famous 20-yrs-ago pop brat…That’s a much better use of your time than reading Infinite Jest.” Aren’t I lucky to have such an understanding older brother?)

And to think I almost over-slept today.

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Tuesday’s quote of the day

I ask my friend if she’s going to the Gay pride parade here in LA on Sunday. She says in all seriousness, “Naw, it’s too main-stream.”

She’s a married heterosexual, mind you.

Monday, June 14, 2004

On Tap

If someone ever asked me what Vegas is like, I would say it is the kind of town where you can see a 70-year old woman hunched over a garbage can, waiting to throw up, and refusing to take the cigarette out of her mouth until the very last second.

Basically, it’s awesome.

Monday, 6/14

Modest Mouse on Jimmy Kimmel.
This was supposed to be on Friday, but I heard that it’s tonight instead. Not sure why. Too tired to find out.

Tuesday, 6/15
The Killers @ Tower on Sunset
In-store awesomeness.

Stellastarr* @ El Rey

Wednesday, 6/16
Whirlwind Heat @ Spaceland

Little Radio @ Fais Do Do
I’m going for the ping pong.

Thursday, 6/17
The Jealous Sound @ Troubadour
These guys have been on the road for what seems like forever. Go and welcome them home.

Friday, 6/18
Califone/Rebecca Gates @ Spaceland
This will be a solid show. Not sure if Rebecca will do any of her Spinanes stuff, but it’s worth going just to find out.

Saturday, 6/19
Harvey Danger @ Troubadour
I would have never realized how good this band really is if I didn’t ever live in Seattle and got to see them a few times before they went on hiatus. They blew me away every time. Don’t mess up. Go to this show.

Sunday, 6/20
Six Feet Under on HBO
HBO owns Sunday nights. Period.

Thursday, June 10, 2004

At the Movies ©

Driving home from work, if you can call sitting in grid-lock driving, I saw a homeless man actually stop and smell the roses. Maybe he was onto something.

Opening this week
The Chronicles of Riddick
A certain someone told me this was such a good movie, he wants to go back and see it again. I’ve decided to not hold it against him.

Garfield: The Movie
Don’t tell anyone, but I think the animated cat looks cute.


The Stepford Wives
Everyone already knows the big surprise--if you can call it that--so why bother?

Napoleon Dynamite (limited release)
Sundance favorite about an eccentric boy in Idaho, which has been constantly compared to Rushmore.

Top of the Box

Harry Potter and the…
Can not believe I still haven’t seen this. Some fan I am.

Shrek 2
I seem to like anything with a Scottish accent lately.

The Day After Tomorrow
That’s exactly when I intend on seeing this film.

Raising Helen
…to wear ugly footwear.

Troy
Pixar should do a spoof and call it Troy Story. That I’d go see.

Stop, Drop, and Listen

I’m listening to KCRW again in the morning since I’m no longer allowed to listen to KEXP at work over my computer. This morning, they had a new one from Rilo Kiley on, whose lyrics made stop what was I was doing and listen closer to the song. So I wrote it down (though I may have the exact wording wrong), with a few other lyrics that I could think of off the top of my head have had the same affect on me. Enjoy.

Talking leads to touching
and touching lead to sex
and then there’s no mystery left.

--“Bad News” by Jenny Lewis/Rilo Kiley

Religion don’t mean a thing
It’s just another way to be right wing

--“Jonathan Fisk” by Britt Daniel/Spoon

Even when the breath between us
Smells of alcohol
Call it confusion
In the best way possible

--“The Remote Part” by Roddy Woomble/Idlewild

When I used to go out, I knew everyone I saw
Now I go out alone, if I go out at all

--“The Rat” by Hamilton Leithauser/The Walkmen

I'm in Los Angeles today:
Garbage cans comprise the medians of freeways always creeping
even when the population's sleeping.
And I can't see why you'd want to live here.

--“Why’d You Want to Live Here” by Ben Gibbard/Death Cab for Cutie

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

So says my zombies

Since I’ve been very vocal about my obsession with the undead (or is it dead?), people from time to time send me things that are related to zombies. While at the Scissor Sisters on Monday night, Scott brought me a picture of zombies he torn out of a catalog he was looking through earlier that day. So I walked around Spaceland carrying the picture in my back pocket and offering to show people my zombies as if I were carrying pictures of my children. It was precious. Today, Craig sends me this: The Official Bush-ZombieReagan in ‘O4 website. I suggest clicking through to the “Eat the Press” section.

I basically want to say thank you for taking my zombie-fascination as seriously as I do. It means a lot to me and my zombies.

Logic broke my heart

I don’t know what it is about The Stills that makes me so crazy, but I get around them or their music and I just go insane. I went to the show tired and lifeless. I left wired and ready to go to the next show. Which I did. But I’m getting ahead of myself… back to the Stills. They were tight, captivating, and seemed to have made the transition from small clubs to theaters well. Emily Haines from Metric came out to sing with them during their encore, which was a delight, since Metric was originally supposed to be on the bill but dropped off a few months back. And openers Sea Ray are just plan beautiful. All in all, a solid show from start to finish.

After the Stills, I high-tailed it to Spaceland to see The Standard, who never fail to rock. Then I played merch girl. Then roadie. Then host to the band. Now I’m a bit tired, thinking about the night I have in front of me at the Troubadour, and wishing it was the weekend already.

Next week: Hibernation. I swear.

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Brian: are you related?

I just found out that David Foster Wallace is doing a reading this Sunday, June 13th at the Writers Guild Theater at 3pm. Do yourself a favor and go. Why you ask? Because he’s insightful, clever, and will never go on a cruise again.

No judgment LA-style pool party

Morrissey has decided that Bush should have died instead of Regan. I’ve written paragraphs and paragraphs about what I think about this, but decided it was boring and who am I to say what is right and what is wrong? I’m hoping next time he is inspired to say something like that, he asks himself that same question.

NME proclaims that hysteria was took place at the Scissor Sisters’ show last night. And if by hysteria, they mean hundreds of hipsters showing up because they thought they should be there though they have never heard the music of the Scissor Sisters before, then they would be right. They are totally entertaining and good for what they do, but you must remember, they play disco music. Even when it’s good, it’s bad. Considering it was free, I would say it was worth every penny. They did have nice shiny costumes though. I had more fun after the show back at my place with some friends trying “to not be weird.”

Warner Brothers are trimming their roster. So far, Stereolab are among its causalities. News like this doesn’t make me sad, because then the indies pick up artists with name recognition, which means they make more money, and in turn the artists do as well since most indies work as a 50/50 split. Seems win-win to me. You just have to give up that cushy tour bus at first.

Monday, June 07, 2004

On Tap

Monday, 6/7
Scissor Sisters @ Spaceland
It’s free, so I would recommend going early to ensure you get in.

Tuesday, 6/8
The Stills/Sea Ray @ Henry Fonda
I still want to have The Stills’ babies. I think it’s about time I remind them.

The Standard @ Spaceland
GO SEE THIS SHOW. Seriously. They actually know how to play their instruments, and make beautiful lush rocking music. Plus, the guys are one of the most polite house guests I’ve ever had.

Danger Mouse @ The Viper Room

Wednesday, 6/9
Velvet Revolver @ Wiltern
The whole idea of this band sounds so calculated; it instantly becomes the opposite of rock.

The Fire Theft @ Troubadour
I loves me some Fire Theft. If you’re new, they are basically Sunny Day Real Estate. If you don’t know who they are, well, some might call them the godfathers of emo. I wouldn’t call them that though. That would be selling them short.

Thursday, 6/10
Sonic Youth @ Troubadour
If you’re one of the first 125 people to buy their new album at Amoeba when it comes out, you get a free ticket to this show.

Mission of Burma @ Henry Fonda
Do your homework and read this book so you will appreciate the importance of this show.

J Mascis @ House of Blues
He’s also in this book. I’d lend it out to all of you, but my brother stole it from me years ago and refuses to give it back.

Friday, 6/11
Vegas baby Vegas.

Saturday, 6/12
The Streets/Dizzee Rascal @ Wiltern
British rap night at the Wiltern!

Sunday, 6/13
The Smiths Convention @ Henry Fonda
Second day of the two day event. I’m not going to say anything snarky since I fear the Smiths fanatics, and happen to sit next to one now.

Friday, June 04, 2004

At the Movies ©

Opening this Week

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Yup, I’m a Potter Person. I read the books, watch the movies, draw a scar on my forehead and attend secret meetings with other Harry Potter fans. Well, all except the last one.

And again, we have another weekend without anyone daring to release their movie the same weekend as an expectedly huge sequel aimed at kids. Now that everyone’s seen Shrek, will those same people go and see this, earning Potter $125 million in its first weekend? Yeah they will. What else are you going to do with kids? Read to them? That’s crazy talk.

Top of the Box
Shrek 2
If everyone’s already seen it, and now planning to take their kids to Harry Potter instead, how big of a drop will Shrek see at the box office this weekend?

The Day After Tomorrow
I’m really disappointed that this movie is so supposed to be so bad. I have a feeling I’m never going to see it, like I never saw Independence Day. I intend to, but never get around to it. And you see all the good parts in the trailer anyway, so what’s the point? Oh right, Jake Gyllenhaal. Ok, I’m there.

Troy
Hurry up and release Ocean’s 12.

Raising Helen
It’s the only chick flick out there.

Soul Plane
Going after the disposable incomes of those without disposable incomes.

Thursday, June 03, 2004

Forest Gump has got nothing on me.

Does anyone know of a place to play ping pong at in LA? My brother and I went to the dreaded Universal City Walk last night, hoping to find a table. We failed. We did find air hockey and free-throwing machines though, which is a close second, but not worth the 8 bucks it costs to park at that tourist trap. Someone help. I need to prove to my brother that I’m finally better than him at ping pong.

Afterwards, I watched Barry Manilow interview on TV. He said while having a heart attack, he thought about his fans and how he had to survive to bring them his “wonderful music” (his words, not mine). Then Velveeta gushed out of his ears.

Avril turns down Fred Durst. Let’s turn this into a SAT question, shall we? Avril turing down Durst is like _____ turning down ______.
a) A little boy turning down a stay at the Neverland Ranch.
b) Britney turning down actually singing live.
c) someone turning down a root canal.
d) Do we really still care about Fred Durst embarrassing himself? Yes. Yes we do.

New Helmet album coming out in September. Page is still on rough ground with me for putting out that crappy “best of.” Best of what? All the albums I already own? Come on Mr. Hamilton, you’re better than that.

Brian Bonsall, a.k.a Andy Keaton from Family Ties, was convicted of a DUI again this past weekend. Where did Steven and Elyse go wrong?

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

I drank enough coffee this morning to kill a small mule.

Former Motley Crue frontman Vince Neil (above) is subjecting himself to a trainer, plastic surgeon and lifestyle counselor for MTV's "The Remaking of Vince Neil," which will also offer the 43-year-old rocker a chance to work with a top producer and a recording artist to relaunch his career. Considering Vince should go for more of a contemporary and “in” look, I’ve decided that Mr. Neil should be made over into a Carlos Dengler look-a-like. Make him lose about a hundred pounds, cut his hair and die it black, then put in him a suit. Can someone make that happen please?

The Lakers are going to beat the Pistons. It’s as simple as that. If the Pistons do win though, I will send the Detroit boys a basket of various LA type things that will include a Star Map, sunglasses, a gift certificate to In and Out, and your own fake Oscar. If I win, you guys better think of something better than car parts and Kid Rock memorabilia.

Paul McCartney discusses his drug use, which included heroin and cocaine. A Beatle doing drugs… who decided this kind of thing was newsworthy? Next thing they are going to tell us is that The Rolling Stones liked groupies.

The 77th Scripps National Spelling Bee has begun, with a 12-year-old girl spelling “laloplegia,"—the word meaning paralysis of the muscles involved in speech—correctly. In related news, I feel dumber than usual.

Kwame gets fired. Again. He was hired as a judge for Trump’s annual Miss Universe pageant being held this year in Quito, Ecuador. The offense? He was caught waving at several wannabe beauty queens in his hotel lobby, a no-no that is against pageant rules. Think Trump secretly hates Harvard Business School graduates?

I dreamt last night I was picked for the Real World/Road Rules Inferno, even though I had never been a cast member on either show. Here’s concept to get the Real World back to a seemingly real cast: everyone on the show is a blogger. Arguments consist of people fighting over computer time. You’ve got conflict, filled with snappy come backs. Sounds like a winner to me.